There are countless people that compare their life to others, wishing that they get something which an another person has. We all probably want happiness, no one wants to suffer or be lost. When we see something on social media that this person has for an example a car or they are always going out to eat, has an outgoing life, luxurious life. We start to feel low of ourselves and we think that these things will make us happy but we do not know what they are going through. They only show us the things they want us to see, either if they are YouTubers, celebrities, friends, strangers on social media. They choose to show us what they want. We do not know how much struggles they had to go through to reach where they are now. Before you start to wish that “I wish I had that..”, think about their struggles and think about the people who are going through worse situation than you. Be grateful that have everything in this world. There are people who do not even get their basic needs met and you are stressed that your girlfriends friend is going out with your friends friend. That was an exaggeration but it is true, we are worried about the things that will not even matter in the future. You are overthinking about the past and your past mistakes but if you are so busy thinking about the past, who will live the present? You are wasting your present to think about your past.
Why do people compare themselves to others?
We often compare ourselves to others to feel inspired, when we see someone who has achieved something for an example body goals then you get inspired and start to follow their steps. It is fine to feel inspired and motivated but you are wrong by following what the other person has done. You know your body, you know how much efforts you need to put in to get to the place you want. You have to create your own plan and follow that. You cannot find diamond by going to exact same spot, it will be in that area but not where the other person found it. You look for your own diamond. They’re also people who are looking for their own identity, this is similar to being inspired. While some are trying to fit in with the society and their norm for the sake of so called dignity or just scared to be different rather than being themselves. Some look up to others to see what can be done and cannot be done, the public becomes a guideline to them.
Why you should not compare yourself to others?
If you are getting unhappiness, depression, low self-esteem and you keep doubting your abilities then you know that you should not compare yourself to anyone. You should be happy with what you have, the stage of level you are at, the problems you have because your situation could have been much worse than it is now. You should be grateful for the things you have in your life that you did not earn or pray for, yet it is given to you. Be thankful that you did not get that job, God has better plans for you. Be grateful your ice cream fell before you could eat it, it was probably not worth it. Be grateful you are 40 years old and not married because it is better to wait than be in a wrong relationship. Be grateful you did not pass your exams, you are given an another chance to prepare better for it.
Honestly it is easier said than done but if you try it won’t seem impossible.
“Desire is the cause of all suffering”. Buddha There is nothing wrong with having dreams and desires, we all want something that is challenging to have, we want to be the best. However you go wrong in saying that if you do not get that thing, you will be broken or sad. I did this poll on my instagram where I asked “if you do not get that thing you want, you will stay broken”. 51% people said yes and 49% of the people said No. That is a lot of broken people with unfulfilled desires. A little truth for you all, life is not fair! Some people get things served on their plates while others need to start from scratch and grow their own crops. There are people who post pointless content on the sites yet have a lot of followers while some work so hard yet do not get anything (for the time being). But they will eventually get there too and get the fruits they deserve. So do not focus on other peoples journey and success, what they have, should not matter to you, your own success should matter to you. Be good at what you do best not what others do. Your competition is you, not your classmate, not this random celebrity with 1.5million followers, not your parents. (Yes some people do compete with their parents, they say things like “I will not make the mistakes my parents made, I will be better parent than them” And some end up making the same mistakes and some more worse mistakes. )
Islam and Gratitude
I do not know how many Muslims know this but being grateful and patience is part of our faith. It is so important for Muslims to practice having patience and gratitude that “Allāh has mentioned ṣabr (patient perseverance) in 75 places in His Book (Quran).” And he mentioned shukr 50 times in the Quran. In chapter 55 of the Quran (Surah Rahman- The compassionate) God has asked the same question 31 times, “Which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?”. And he mentions the animals, plants, sun, river, rain, oceans, moon, sun and countless more things that we refuse to acknowledge or be grateful about. Yet we are so ungrateful. God also mentions in Surah Ibrahim (14:7), “If you are thankful (for My favors), I will most certainly give you more”. And “If you are grateful, He is pleased with you…” (Az-Zumar 39:7) We have a whole month of Ramadhan to be grateful to God for, our food, drink, wealth, family and much more. We do not realise how lucky we are to have food, drink, house, money, the basic needs of human yet we desire for more things like the latest phone and we become depressed if we do not have that. We desire to wear expensive clothes, have a big house, have all the luxurious in the world but for what? Happiness? You are not going to be happy because of these things, you will end up desiring more and more. It is an endless thirst! Its solution is just to be happy with what you have, what you wear, what you do, your situation. Be thankful and see how your life changes for good.
Our mind is influenced by the media, our families, our society
“A man saw an elephant tied with a tiny rope to its leg. And this elephant didn’t make any attempt to break free even though it could. The man asked a trainer why the elephant who is so powerful don’t attempt to break away. The trainer explained; “when they were very young and much smaller we used the same size of rope to tie them and, at that age, it was enough to hold them. As they grew up, they were conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
From childhood (school days) we are told to score better than our classmates otherwise we would be a loser, we are told by our desi families especially that this so and so’s kid has this grade, he is becoming a doctor and you are here painting. We are told that if we do not become like others, we will not be accepted in the society. We are told not to be simple because simple is boring, we are told to dress up in a certain way because we will not be good enough! You are trained to get others approval and appreciation, if others do not appreciate you then apparently you are not good enough. You think having more marks in the exam is better than getting low because you will not get good job then, you think having more girlfriend/boyfriend makes you cooler and more good looking because ugly girls/boys do not get into relationships, right? You think earning more is better than earning less so you can buy all the things you desire and obviously bigger house is better than smaller house because small house is not enough for a family of 3? And some people still think having more friends is better than having less because you become popular?
My experience (Because I am also part of the society)
I have been a jealous person, a competitive person. I worked hard but never got what I wanted to get (in terms of grades). My classmates were much more clever, my friends got better grades than me but I was never happy with my grades. I am still not happy about it. But I learned to accept that my grades do not define me, I might get average grades but I can be successful in future. I learned to Thank God for all the failures, the success, heartbreaks, Basically for everything. I was not a jealous type person regarding anything but grades. I do try to become a better person if I see someone who has a really good habit or personality trait, I try to adapt that into myself. Apart from that I was never jealous about job type, better degree, looks, weight, talent. Nothing.
A close friends opinion
Because we all are in a pursuit of happiness. When we see others satisfied or happy with what they have we develop a sort of inferiority complex. Since we are not internally and truly content with our present state. So then we fall in the misconception that maybe when we have what they have we will truly be Happy. So we take actions to get that thing either ethically by hard work or unethically by taking it away from them. In both case, if we get what that thing is we feel momentary joy ( but it’s the satisfaction of victory or achieving not happiness) or if we don’t since the desire has been developed we are saddened by it’s absence. So in order to be happy. We should be content with the current situation. If any addition is done in our current scenario we would be happy. If any loss occurs then we need to be happy in the new current scenario.
we are too busy collecting stones that we do not value the diamond we have, this basically sums up my whole blog. We should stop going after fake happiness and value the things we have now. We should be thankful for every person, every pain, every struggle, every failure, every fall, everytime we felt like crying because not everyone can cry. Be grateful for the things you have! Seriously, start being grateful and not complain about the things that will not matter when we are in our graves.
Thank you for reading!