Teenagers feel like they are grown, not kids but not an adult either. Since, they are already so close to being adults, they crave to act like an adult. Though, they are NOT adults, so they tend to act like one from their perspective of what they think an adult is. Most do it the wrong way and act immaturely, but in the end they feel like no one understands them and they want to be understood.
who are the teenagers?
Teenagers or ‘teens’ are group of people aged from 13 to 19 but it can vary depending on the countries. They are usually considered as kids by adults but in fact teenagers are group of people who are ‘Young adults’. They are Adolescents, meaning the gap between children and adults. ( I just had some crazy déjà vu that I wrote this thing before). Anyways, considering adolescents as children is the first step where you go wrong.
Being the 90’s kid meant I was not exposed to all social media platform and the technology we have today. The children nowadays have all the luxuries we don’t have (Yet most of them lack inner peace, but that is a whole different blog). I was the type to play by myself but that is because I was the only child then until I was 7. Why am I even talking about this? I should talking about my teen days. Lets fast forward this to when I was 13. So I was Quiet but that was part of my personality, I became more irritated towards certain things. For example when my parents used to correct me, or tell me things I did not wanted to know. I still remember, My dad was telling me how to hoover the carpet properly and I ended up throwing the hoover outside. Yes, I did get crazy at times. It got worse as I turned 15. I started hiding things more from my parents. I started having this thing called ‘Privacy’ Which I never did when I was a child. I started to have crushes on celebrities. I was massive One Directioner at that time. I used to watch/listen to their songs over and over again just so us Directioners can trend their videos. My parents started to have issues with me, that why am I hiding things, why do I suddenly want to sit alone. If you have teenager at home or you are one, then you should be able to relate. By the way I am not sure how teens are in other countries but as a 90s UK brought up teen I was like this. There was not that much of massive change in me maybe because my values and up bringing had a massive impact on me. Being the eldest, I was always told to behave well so I could set up a good example. I tried to be good, my siblings don’t follow. I do one bad thing and bammmm I am in trouble for doing something bad. I never had this thing about discovering myself, in those days, we did not even know what that was. It was usual friends issues, beginning to have crushes, wanting to be alone at time and never wanted to be corrected. Apart from that all was good. Oh yes, I didn’t swear and still don’t, never had alcohol but acted drunk with friends on the road, never wanted to date and still don’t, basically being born in Muslim family had some advantages too. But yes not every Muslim families are the same.
Teenage mind is under construction!
There is a section of a brain called prefrontal cortex, it can be found behind your forehead. It controls planning, prioritising, controlling impulses, behavioural control. This part of the brain has just developed but not completely yet, which allows the teens to have their own ideas and perspectives that can be wrong at times. For example, the kids do not see any faults in their parents but for teens this prefrontal cortex is still developing so they begin to have their opinions on their parents. Adolescents are suddenly able to see the world more realistically and they start to compare their parents to what they think they should be like. Their ideals can be influenced by their friends parents or films/shows. They begin to find their parents embarrassing maybe by the way they dress, walk, talk etc. But the fact is, teens are using that skill which their brain allowed them to carry out, teens are able to convert the information into their own ideas. They might argue unknowingly but they are actually giving their opinions in their way. Teens most likely start using this skill on their parents first and then they will begin to have an opinion on outside issues too. There is another section of the brain called Amygdala, this is responsible for making decisions, solving problems , emotions, aggression and instinctive behaviour. Usually teenagers rely on this part of the brain more than prefrontal cortex as that is still developing.
Other teens and some adults opinion on this- Including my 13 and 15 year old Teen sisters
- Parents were teen once I don’t know why they don’t understand us, this makes us sound like a different species.
- Expectation makes it difficult for parents to understand teens, their own regrets for their own lives. Like they wish they had lived their lives differently when they were young.
Ignorance to feelings/emotions
- An adult must step down to a teenager’s level in order to bring them up in maturity
- Often times what adults do is stand on top of the mountain and ask the teenager to reach to the mountain. That lack of support and understanding is what frustrates a teenager.
- Teens go wrong in being prideful and trying to climb the mountain without the appropriate manual from someone experienced. Now the experienced must make sure that they don’t try to plan out the path for the teenager. But rather support in progressing.
- So many things I think affect the teens behaviour, Body changes, hormones, peer pressure, FOMO. (Fear of missing out), suddenly becoming aware of so many things, feeling of no one understands/will understand, mental pressures and crucial point in education too and I’m sure a lot more
- And I think choice as well, you suddenly develop a choice and start making smaller decisions about what you want to do and what you like or dislike
- Teens have high energy, They will do things, they like to explore things. If you teach them something interesting, they will show their involvement. They don’t like to work under a person, they wish to have guide who can guide them when they are stuck. They don’t like to be in a situation where they can’t take decision on their own. They prefer to be leaders. That’s why they hate home at the teenage age. After that they will like home like hell.
- But adults don´t like it, when teens are smarten than them. They will put them down. Shut them up. Some mothers are like this. They don’t hate you. After all she is your mother and want the best for you. Of course we have to respect the older ones.
- Adults are brats, they expect more from teens. They expect you to be mature, but then they say you are not being mature. After a point, it gets awkward sharing anything with your parents, you cannot tell them about your crush. Also age affects why teens and adults have a hard time connecting.
- Different languages are spoken, my mum doesn’t speak English, we have difficulty communicating.
- I love my parents but I just want my space, my mum tries to be my best friend but I just want her to leave from my room
Why do we need to understand teenagers?
Before answering this question, I would like to share something. I don’t know about white families but in brown household, the mother would be like “trust me I am your friend you can share everything with me.” You share something and they will give you just those death stares and they will tell you to stop doing that. But the truth is the teens or even adults would still carry on doing it but will just start hiding the truth from their parents. This obviously is not random information, it is life changing moment for teens and parents. Once the teen starts hiding something, they will obviously have no guide especially if they do not have any Good friends. They will begin to feel lonely and think that parents do not understand them, they will begin to talk to people online, will learn many things they should not be knowing at that age. Basically all those teenage things will kick in just by that one death stare. I am not sure about western household, I would love to know where you think you went wrong as a parent and you as teenager. Obviously teenagers can be wrong too. We need to understand teenagers because they are the future generation. We have to guide them, each teen matters, they will make up the future society, future careers. They are normal human beings with feelings, they will get hurt perhaps more than adults. They are sensitive. Your one curse word will stay in their mind. You hit them, they will think hitting is fine and they might do that with their kids. Be with your teens/kids like you want them to behave with your grandchildren. Wow I actually think ahead. I guess we should all start thinking ahead just for their sanity. Teens with bad past will still grow up, they will have a job and a life. But it might not be a happy life, the bruises and scars might be still there. You are not in charge of their life, you cannot control them BUT you can understand them. Guide them, be the way you want your kids to be. You want your child to not smoke, then you do not smoke. You want them to be spiritual then you be spiritual. You have to SHOW them more than TELL. You cannot get instant results but if they connect with you sooner or later they will do what you are doing. They will still make mistakes but you as a parent DO NOT critisise them, You DO NOT tell them that, “I knew this would happen”. If you want to be a friend to them, then be a friend not a judgmental adult. If you are having your own issues, with your partner or any household or job issues, Take 30 minutes out daily for them at least. Speak to them after school, before you go to sleep, go on a drive or walk. Just be there for them. You are creating the future generation! Be understanding! Consider their opinions, you lived your teenage days in different generation, they are part of different generation. You cannot be right when you do not know what happens in this generation. You have not gone through it, they have!
Message for the teenagers!
If you think your parents are not being nice to you, or being abusive or simply not being understanding, you are having too many arguments with them. Well, you shouldn’t even be arguing, if someone does not understand you, it best to leave the things the way they are for few days. Then speak calmly and give your opinion. If they are being abusive, speak to someone about it, who will guide you and take you away from that situation. But if they are just being caring and trying to get to understand you then please be understanding that they just love you. Whole life they have sacrificed everything for you, did not think about themselves but thought about your happiness first. Be considerate and just show fake love if you cannot love them for the way they are. I agree some parents are not nice, they are not capable of being loved that’s when you decide what is best for you and your parents. Do what you think is right morally!
Thank you for reading this, I don’t think I was capable of writing this. I am not a parent. I am not capable of giving advice in this case. But I gathered up different peoples opinions on this, it is good if we get to know what exactly do teenagers think than getting whole lot of paragraph from internet. I learned a lot by researching and I hope you learned something from this blog. Please like, share and write in the comments how the teenagers are in your country.